Definition: ‘Honeymoon – a traditional holiday taken by newlyweds to a secluded, exotic, or tropical destination considered to be special or romantic, in order to consummate the marriage.
I think it’s fair to say that not every DXer has the time, the cash or the resources to undertake dx adventure.
Having to work, having to pay bills and having to look after the kids, for instance, can all conspire against plans to activate an island or a lighthouse, or sail out to a remote DXCC in the Pacific for a weekend or two…
Determined not to succumb to the limitations that life can impose on our hobby, some Dx Adventure Radio Club (DA-RC) members have invented a terrific way to slip DXpedition work into the picture, without it impacting on any of the above, including the YL’s delicate state of mind.
Enter the honeymoon experience…
Apart from the wedding night shindig, one of the most awesome things about the union of a man and a woman is indeed the honeymoon (See definition above).
While the wedding ceremony itself can be described as a fleeting experience at best – one that passes through the Alzheimer’s memory bank like a wedding waltz with the mother-in-law-the honeymoon escapade signifies a wonderful opportunity for the DXpedition enthusiast.
Not just in terms of bedroom conquests or resultant honeymoon cystitis that will befit the new bride either, but for other seriously more meaningful raison d’être.
For the serious DXer, the coming together of a man and a woman in holy matrimony represents a once in a lifetime DXpedition experience (or more depending on how many times you walk down the aisle) too good to pass up; one that can fly under the radar of YL concern more likely attuned to the hype of requited love, heartfelt vows and expensive wedding gifts than the potential repercussions of a holiday to a small island in the Pacific with her leading man.
Experienced Hams will concur that the idea of using the honeymoon as an excuse for DXpedition endeavors is not a new one.
In fact, DA-RC members have done it many, many times before!
History is littered with the exploits of diehard DXpedition freaks; operators who’ve smuggled transceivers and stealth antenna systems into luggage to exotic honeymoon destinations in order to perform DX activities.
The rewards, after all, the opportunity for massive pile-ups, the back slaps and bouquets from fellow Hams, the adrenaline rush of DX adventure…are just too great to pass up!
As I mentioned before, the YL mindset at this time makes her awfully susceptible to underhandedness and by that I mean attempts to shy away from traditional honeymoon activities such as sightseeing, romantic walks along the beach at sunset, candlelit dinners and more, in favour of dealing out 5/9 reports and progressive numbers to DX hungry colleagues.
Having said that, combining ‘after wedding celebrations’ with a DXpedition venture is fraught with serious danger and will destroy bridal bliss in an instant-should it be an unsanctioned event or one performed with the compassion of a CB call channel musician.
Many a wedding has been annulled and nuptials thrown out the resort window once the bride discovers her groom has emptied the contents of her suitcase prior to departure – just so he could stow away some extra DX-cessories like an amp, desk mic or antenna matcher for the benefit of his station.
But how many YL’s would authorize such an activity on their honeymoon at the expense of a girlhood dream in the first place?
On the other foot, how many Hams would laugh in the face of hell by tossing out the bride’s sexy bikini and dinner dress if given the green light to take along a radio? Hmmm, don’t answer that one…
For this reason, it’s critical that any honeymoon DX work be performed with the sensitivity of a Yaesu FT-9000 transceiver.
For those too afraid too even broach the idea of operating a station during periods of honeymoon ‘down time’, rest assured it is possible to undertake DX activity right under the nose of the new bride without her knowledge and without it sabotaging the honeymoon-provided you stick to the manual of DX Heroics that I’m about to quote from…
Firstly, succumbing to mysterious bouts of severe gastroenteritis or a rare strain of influenza and being confined to the bedroom while the bride shops to her heart’s content isn’t uncommon during stays at ‘Most Wanted’ locations.
Blame it on the bonbonniere if you have to… The secret is having a medical certificate to authenticate an illness which requires 24/7 isolation whilst on the holiday but these can be downloaded from www.bullshit.com with a simple click of the mouse.
Once this has been sorted out, it’s nothing but DX, DX and MORE DX on the room service menu!
Secondly, the use of headphones to conceal RX signals as well as stealth antenna (e.g. a dipole which can be erected from a resort balcony to a nearby coconut palm with limited fuss), are an essential part of a honeymoon DXer’s kitbag if they’re genuine about staying under the radar of bridal concern.
Other than functioning in covert mode, it’s also possible to operate a station when the YL is at rest after lengthy periods of making love.
The theory here is that CQ calls will fade into a nirvana of sexual exhaustion that goes hand in hand with honeymoons and the act/s of consummating a marriage.
Obviously, the key to this approach is doing a good ‘job’ on the new wife to keep her ‘out to it’ for the night and not waking to inquire about your antenna erection until the European DX window has well and truly closed.
Not as easy as it seems, let me tell you – particularly if the antenna’s copped a hammering in the early openings.
The only snag I see is that sustained periods on the bedroom workbench can actually reduce radio time so the importance of finding a good balance here is not to be undervalued.
For this reason, a bottle or four of cheap red wine with dinner is an essential appendage to the DXpedition…I mean honeymoon…backpack.
Of course, all this hoo-ha about combining honeymoons with DX work is about as useful as tits on a bull if your marriage and honeymoon have already gone down in the pages of history.
Hence, I concede that this article is more aimed at the bachelor DXer rather than the old timer.
Having said that, there are a couple of ways to get around this if you really ARE serious about DXpedition work but in all normal circumstances would lack the necessary assets to achieve it.
These are:
1. Renewing your wedding vows and suggesting a second honeymoon; or
2. Divorcing the existing XYL and throwing your hat into the ring again for another.
Depends how desperate you are for DXpedition adventure, doesn’t it…?
Given there are so many choices, so many potential DX wonderlands just waiting to be conquered, which honeymoon destination do you think would make for an ideal honeymoon DX location? The seductive scapes of Fiji? The tropical temptations of Tonga? Perhaps one of the dreamy French Polynesian isles like Tahiti or Huahine where the new bride would be easily distracted with the sights of muscle bound islander men to detect excessive time taken out for our true passion, Ham radio!?!?
The choice is, indeed, endless!
73 de 43DA001 Darren
Many thanks for your very usefull advices Darren.
I am thinking of french Polynesia for my honeymoon and I am very gratefull for the great ideas that you are suggesting in your article.
As I think that gastroenteritis is not very elegant, I am thinking more of adding some sleeping drug into Roy’s glass, so I can have a good erection…of my antenna, of course !
I will not store the idea of sending him for some shopping because I do not like the idea of him spending money while I am working hard on the air….
SWL for 201 division Darren
73’s